Making changes as partners and leaders of the family home takes time to adjust and make the transition.
Transitions can happen in two ways.
The first way is when you are going from A --------- Z.
A is where you are, and Z is where you want to be.
For example, A: you and your partner have disagreements at supper time, and you want to change the timing and conversation. Z then would be your idealistic image for what you want to create. Perhaps a check-in time after the kids go to bed and a few other new habits to make dinner time easier for the both of you.
The transition time then is right now. You are progressing from A to Z.
The second way is AZ ------, and the transition time happens afterward, like when you bring the baby home or move into a new house. However, instant change still requires a transition of adjusting.
In either case, mastering transitions is vital.
The main key point to chew on and digest is that you are going to mess up sometimes....
SHOVE IT for LIFE!
The impact you have as a parent is greater than you know. My mom's response of "just love your life" was the most incredible response she could have ever said to us. We took it to heart and continue to say that as a family as a joke, yet it is something I've owned quite seriously.
I never used to love my life because I didn't know how to manage my anxiety, depression, and anguish, causing focus until I learned to SHOVE IT! I hope you will learn how to SHOVE IT so you may also learn how to love your life! www.shoveitacademy.com/foundational
SHOVE IT to the perfect YOU! SHOVE IT for the real YOU!
This week, what I would really like for you to try on is to be unapologetically you. Wear your PJs to noon on your day off, don't worry about having your house spotless before you extend an invite to someone you care about, and don't worry about any part of it!
Live freely. Focus more on spreading love than receiving compliments and impressing others. Be human - the whole you! SHOVE IT!!!
SHOVE IT for being human!
Every human is fighting their own internal battle. The things you stress over and think about are so common. I know you care what people think to some extent. I know you overthink what you say or didn't say, and I know you have anxiety over various things in your life. I know you wonder if you matter and if you will get what is yours in this lifetime.
I know for sure that you can't waste another minute without implementing the SHOVE IT mindset into your daily practice. It is time to get back on your path and start feeling like the real you.
Learning to be kind and gentle with yourself is the best gift that you can give yourself.
Take time this week to provide yourself with a heartfelt apology for all the ways you haven't shown up for yourself. Acknowledge all the ways you have hurt yourself with words, criticism, and belittlement. Reflect on all the nights you ruined because you felt like you had nothing to wear or nothing worth sharing with others. I want you to take time this week to love yourself well and forgive yourself for all the ways you've neglected your own needs. Begin again by learning to make it up to yourself. You're a big deal.
Don't forget that!
"I never thought this would happen to me."
"I feel like I have failed."
"We've damaged our kids."
"My vulnerability is being used against me."
Welcome to the SHOVE IT for Divorce Course.
You are likely bombarded with so much guilt, fear, information, opinions, concerns, questions, and pain.
For many of you, it has been a few years before you were ready to come here. For others, you are in the middle of it.
Wherever you are, there is a place for you here.
It is natural to have resentments, anger, and sadness. I am sure you are rehashing so many moments and events, trying to gain understanding, justify actions, and trying to find some peace.
We have 6 life-changing pillars for you in the SHOVE IT for Divorce Course.
The 6 Pillars are
Pillar #1: True love
Pillar #2: Radical Acceptance
Pillar #3: Ultimatum
Pillar #4: Timing
Pillar #5: Happy
Pillar #6: Serendipity
You are in the right place if you want to heal your hand and your...
Pillar/Module #1 of the SHOVE IT for DIVORCE: TRUE LOVE snapshot
When I was in my twenties, one of my good friends, Nat, got married and divorced within a short period of time. She was devastated. So, as best friends would, I did as much as I could to best support her. I sent Nat silly messages to make her laugh, I brought her favorite snacks over to her house on a random Tuesday, and I did my best to comfort her in her time of need. I got creative. I listened, I answered her phone calls at any hour, I put Nat above anything else.
Then, my 5-year my relationship ended a year later. Abruptly.
It was my turn to move to a new place, divvy up our belongings, and begin again. He broke my heart. I could barely see through my tears because I would cry so hard. I didn't have the energy to shower or even fix my hair, but I forced myself to get up still, keep all my commitments, and tend to all the things.
Where was Nat? Great question.
This was when I realized. In every...
When we practice radical acceptance, it doesn't mean we like it. It means we allow ourselves to create harmony with it.
We have the choice to struggle, and we have the choice to suffer, even when the pain inflicted on us is so great and the guilt is so heavy.
What if I told you in the middle of chaos and challenge, you can always find peace? What if you knew in the middle of an anxiety attack you can calm yourself almost immediately? What if you had this tool to teach your kids?
It's all there for you in Pillar #2 of the SHOVE IT for Divorce Course.
Here is a quick snapshot of a practice you will learn here:
Step 1: State only the facts.
Step 2: Create your harmony statement or question
Step 2.5: SHOVE IT! Repeat harmony statement multiple times throughout your day.
Let yourself complete this season of your life. Make sure you've learned the lessons you needed, taken time to heal your spirit, and have opened your heart for the greatest love yet.
How can you be in a relationship and still feel lonely?
How did you end up in a relationship with someone who manipulates or abuses you mentally or physically?
How did you get everything you ever wanted and still feel so empty inside?
Is this person really the one for me?
Should I take that job and still go to school?
Life is full of questions, uncertainties, and roadblocks. And, at the end of the day, we just want to be happy.
Happiness is fleeting. It isn't dependent on something else or someone else. It is something within you, and when I learned this while I was deep in my depression on a suicidal watch, I punished myself for not being better. I felt guilty for not being happy and shamed myself for not being where or who I wanted to be.
Life is a beautiful journey, but we overcomplicate it with comparisons, obsessions, and attempts to control.
There is more for you.
Learn how to SHOVE IT - it is your time.
The SHOVE IT...
I have learned that everything starts as a normal day. Like, the day I learned, I was diagnosed with cancer. It was such an out-of-body experience feeling. I remember thinking, they can't be talking about my body, something is gone wrong, this is not true!
I kept thinking if I never called back or didn't go to the appointment, everything would still be the same. How in one minute can everything in life change?
I remember so vividly the phone call I received to learn at 12 years old learning my uncle had taken his life, and then again at 15 years old when my dear friend took her life. Or the moment when my best friend had a miscarriage at 12 weeks, I remember the devastation of not hearing a heartbeat or when a family I was supporting lost their homes to Calfornia fires twice in one year.
Nothing can prepare you for some of the things that happen while you journey down the path of life, or so we have been taught. As we have heard so many times before, heartache in...