Teens, Parenting, and TikTok

"I JUST EXPLODED ON CAMERA!"

"I was fuming mad. I was so mad.  I can't tell you the level of anger I was feeling towards my children. They created this [stupid ;)] video. My own children set me up to react, and then they recorded it." 

"I swear if my children are on TikTok one more time… I'm sick of it. I hate TikTok. I'm over it. I'm done. I'm going to take my son's phone and…"

It seems there is some passionate view towards the video-sharing social networking service, TikTok, and on our parenting call, this was made apparent. If you are a parent of a young adult, I am happy you are here. If you know of a parent with a young adult, please share this blog with them. 

Things we cover in the video:

Building an empowering relationship around technology

Why your young adults ignore you

Why Tiktok is great

Establishing boundaries

And, focus on praise

To complement the video:

Our children are born with phone ready hands. Their advanced technology, comfort, and wisdom are part of the wonderful and fascinating ways of our human evolution. We may not fully understand it, and that is okay. 

It is not so much a generational gap as it is an understanding gap, which some would argue is the same thing. In my experience, my involvement with technology is not high, while most of my age group is all about social media platforms, gaming, and online creating. Things like website design and video production are simple and easy for them. So, when I say it is an understanding thing, this is what I mean. In either case, as adults, it is essential to recognize our children are coming into this world tech ready. To deny them of this evolutional fact will cause tension in your relationship. 

To condemn the interests of our young adults and demand them to be outside playing with sticks and building forts because that is what you used to do or wish you did, doesn't serve them or your relationship with them. I love the vision of kids playing in the neighborhood streets like the good 'ole days too, but we cannot force this upon them.

There is hope!

First, we must meet our young adults where they are before we can lead them to other possibilities. If we start with the opposite by proclaiming our opinions, wishes, and demands, we will lose them. We get to empower our young adults to decide to put down technology with our guidance, not our rules. 

Second, we must educate ourselves on the benefits of technology. There are positive outcomes. TikTok, for example, allows for creativity and connectivity with other talented, like-minded people. This creative outlet can help young adults find a community, find a feeling of belongingness, and also a place to showcase their superpowers. 

Third, we must openly communicate and establish boundaries with our young adults while understanding and believing in their ability to make wise choices. With our support, so much is possible. When we encourage rather than demand, we build a partnership; when we have a connection like that, we can form new bonding habits like going for hikes, bike rides, or other non-technology related experiences. Once you start noticing, you will see that your young adults have different interests; social media is just a way they get to portray them. 

In point form, here are three ways to build an empowering relationship with our young adults around their fascination with technology:

1. Learn and create with them

• Before you react, become familiar with things like TikTok
• Watch videos with your young adults, learn what videos they are most interested in, and get a better understanding of why they enjoy it so much
• Formulate ideas together what an entertaining series of videos would be to create off of their interests and passions
• Be part of the process and show interest over the next few days following to prove your desire to understand and relate

2. Establish boundaries

• Technology use requires limits, and I'm not talking about when and how long your young adult is using it
• When I say boundaries, I am talking about displaying kindness and respect towards self and others on and off the video 
• If my young adult is not showing kindness or respect that is when I would most certainly be taking away their technology privileges – if you create the boundary that you do not want to be filmed and they breech that there must be consequences
• Create boundaries and expectations together through the concept of the open voice, so they take full ownership, and rules don't come across like an authoritative dictatorship – this is important! 

3. Believe in them

• Young adults are good humans
• Do your best to start from here
• Believe in their ability to make wise choices and empower them to do so
• Show you believe in them by noticing their interests and helping them bring it to life
• Find reasons to praise rather than criticize and allow them to course-correct while they are learning 

To wrap it up, have fun with the unfolding. You are a team, not opponents with your young adults. Be present with their curiosities, support their ambitions, and trust in their ability to make wise decisions.

What's your experience been like with technology in your home?

Thanks for being here.